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Success and failure

on May 16, 2015

…and various quotes.

Success: reclaiming part of my life back from my place of employment.  I have refrained from working overtime, despite production being just a bit behind.  Too many messages coming at me telling me that my time should be spent more fruitfully and that time allocated to something indicates the priority I’m giving it.  Work was crowding out things that mean a great deal more to me.  And the work I do does not feel fruitful.  So.  Since giving up the OT, my house is cleaner, I’ve gotten more Bible study in, and I’ve put myself in a position to dive into my music-making more fervently.  And funny thing is, the bills are still getting paid.  Not much “play money” left but that’s due to my own silly decisions making the bills what they are.  God’s still covering my backside.  Which leads to:

Failure: not extending the mercy God has shown me time and time and time again.  Quote from Joyce Meyer in a set of teaching notes in her Everyday Life Bible: ‘Mercy chooses to be kind and good to people who deserve to be punished.’

I have not been making that choice.  There is an individual at my job that works my last nerve on a daily basis…won’t go into reasons.  But every day is an opportunity for me to extend mercy to this individual.  I usually end up snapping off, and my heart attitude is, I want this person to fry for all the consternation they’ve caused the whole office.

But that’s not what God has done for me.  He has continued to bless me and keep me despite my disobedience that deserves punishment.

I need to find out why I struggle so much with giving away what God has given me in abundance.

Another quote on the mind, from the memorial service for our dear church elder that passed this week: ‘Live in such a way that when people think of integrity, they think of you.’

Getting my mercy issue straightened out would probably move things in that direction.

I do realize this much: I need to come against the spirit of fear in my life.  I’m realizing more and more how much anxiety drives my thoughts, feelings, behavior.  I am not trusting God fully.  I want to build that trust.  I have tasted the peace that passes all understanding, for brief moments…I want it to become something I dwell in.  Because if I’m dwelling in that peace, I am thinking, talking, and acting in a way that is Christ-like, and it will make those around me hungry for Him.

The world needs Him more than ever.

I need Him more than ever.

Selah.

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