Black Sheep Bass-ic Training

Doing The Christian Walk With A Funky Strut

Putting the “test” in “testimony”…

on August 15, 2013

…so I had that super-profound moment at church on Sunday, yeah?  Was cruising along on my holy cloud of happy up until yesterday…well, Tuesday night, really.  Developed a nasty cold, symptoms started Tuesday but came on full bore yesterday morning.  Anyone who knows me knows I’m the worst illness patient EVER.  I hardly ever get sick, the whole office can have some bug and I’ll be A-OK.  So when I do crash, I crash hard, ’cause it’s a nice strong strain.  And when I crash, I whine.  Can’t STAND being laid up and have a nasty habit of letting everyone know it.  Well, yesterday was proof that I still have much work to do in this area.  Was very cranky all day at work.  My mouth was not Christ-centered, it was me-centered.   I did try to keep it closed as much as possible, knowing nice things were not likely to come out.  And I did do lots of mental self-talk…”this could be a lot worse, be thankful it’s not!!”.  But I’m sure I was pretty unpleasant to be around.  Spared everyone the grumbling today by staying home.

So being at home by myself, no tests, no opportunity for spiritual faceplant, right?  Yeeeeeahhhhhh….heeheehahahahahahohoho…no.  Remember, I hate being laid up.  Can’t sit still too long.  Need to do some stuff.  Hey look, it’s Bill-Pay-Day.  Let’s go pay some bills.  Money talks and mine says goodbye.  LOL.  Check account balance first…what do we have to play with…

What…The…*BLEEP*?!?!?!?  Why is that number so low???  Check account detail…

Last paycheck is HALF of what it should be.  Shorted a whole week’s pay.

I discovered what it’s like to feel panic, anger, conviction, confusion, and indignation ALL AT ONCE.  “I can’t pay the rent –why is our HR department so incompetent–I need to trust the Lord to provide–but this isn’t even close to provision–Lord why are you allowing so many attacks on my finances when I do everything You ask me to and then some???” All of that went through my head in about 5 seconds’ time.  Texted supervisor.  Called HR.  Turns out it’s at least partway my fault.  Add feeling stupid and defensive to the emotional cocktail.  Wheels are in motion to get this sorted out…the rent will get paid after all.

And now, looking back on the fuming I was doing just an hour ago, want to facepalm.  Got way too wound up over this.  Lord, please forgive me for not trusting You and those you place around me.  You have provided, You DO provide, and will continue to provide.  I am not starving and on the streets.   I have no reason to complain whatsoever.  Cleanse my heart, mind, and mouth from this evil.  Please. In Your Son’s name, Amen.

Prolly need a listen to Kirk Franklin’s ‘Could’ve Been’ for some perspective.

So, yeah, as much as I feel like God does teach me things and I am learning, I still have a massive “Under Construction” sign plastered on my heart.  The funky strut was a trip-splat yesterday and today.  Think I might have bumped the needle off the record.  Time to get up, walk over to the turntable, and drop the needle back in the groove so the walk can continue.


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An Autistic Christian Techie


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